Almost - Anne Eliot   I don't know where to start, so I'll do the unorthodox thing and start by the ending. It. Was. So. Cheesy. It took me a whole afternoon with a lot of stopping to read the last two chapters. I wanted to punch puppies every two sentences, especially from Jess' point of view. To quote one of my favorite characters, Percy-from-Shipping, “I'm glad you worked out your problems, but man, are you two disgustingly annoying.” There are three types of romantic scenes: the ones that are meaningful, yet there's no three words, eight words phrase or anything fluffy; the ones that are a bit cheesy, but you're rooting for the couple so hard that you don't give a single fuck; and the ones that make you feel like a unicorn puked rainbows all over you. This made me appreciate pink. To explain why I hated it so much, I'll have to go back to the start.  At the beginning, I liked Jess. She was insecure and kind of neurotic, but it made it interesting. After all, her PTSD break downs were the best and most emotional scenes in the book. The story, the truth that would later be told, intrigued me. At first, the whole "almost" thing was something worth reading. I could see how shitty it'd be to be in the middle, never quite anything. Almost raped. Almost remembering. Almost fine. Then it happened. Or, actually, it didn't happen. The same thing was dragged for so freaking long, making Jess an, in Anna's words, unforgiving, ungrateful, whiny, self-pitying bitch. I'd add selfish to the list. Being in her head was the same mantra over, and over, and over again. I should hate him but I love him. Oh, poor me! It was all my fault, but let's blame everyone else! Sometimes she seemed bipolar. I'm not joking about a mental illness, I'm calling the honest to God I don't believe in truth. It got so bad that I almost wanted sweet Gray to fall out of love with her. Almost. (Ha! See what I did there?)  Back to the ending. The reason I hated all the cheese fest, other than the fact that it was a cheese fest, is that I didn't want a happily ever after for Jess. I didn't want something bad to happen to her, either. I just stopped caring much about her at some point, and therefore the scene by itself lost the cute motive I needed. Besides, knowing her hot and cold self she probably got upset five minutes later.  Why three stars then?, you ask. (Actually, you don't, but let's pretend you do.) The thing is, the book wasn't really bad. It was a bit slow, but most books are for me. It was completely unoriginal and had a horrible cover, but it wasn't terribly executed for a cliched theme. At least it wasn't as bad as the Breath fiasco. However, it didn't wow me. It was a difficult rating to set. I'd say it's a 2.50, or 2.75, sometimes 2.25. I don't completely regret it, but I don't love it, recommend it or will re-read it anytime. Maybe it could do as a lazy rainy Sunday read if it was shorter, almost half of the book unnecessary. There were a couple of really good scenes with the secondary characters, and that's all I'm giving.  Oh, and let me just clarify that it wasn't just the last two chapters that were incredibly cheesy or just ugh. Here's my proof (provided by GD Quotes because I didn't stop and write them down, losing more of my precious time): “Maybe because he's already been in my dreams for so long, it feels to me as though we've always been together.” “I think I'm losing control all over again. This is because I've registered two things above and beyond his hypnotic green eyes and rock star hot voice.1. His perfectly square chin has one of those little divots dead center.2. He's taller, and wider across the shoulders than I'd thought.My heart ramps into some sort of a private hailstorm.My list won't stop.3. His hair is still shower damp. It's made up of little inky-black curls—an amazing amount of them.4. The dumb eyes aren't simply green. They're like an exploded rainbow of greens and gold and browns. On closer inspection, he's… he's simply overall amazing and… I'll just say it again:HOLY. HOLY. WOW.” “And you do, don't you? Love me just a little? Because I'll say it again. Right now, to your face. I straight up love you, Jess Jordan. I'll shout it if it will help plead my case. But I have to at least get that point across before one more minute passes.” And, Rowling help me, this is Jess being her pretentious self (which she says is a screen, but keeps up even after ever walls are down): I raise an eyebrow, working to achieve the right tone of intellectual superiority. “If you've never read the Twilight books or the Hunger Games series you wouldn't understand. Not. One. Bit. They are complex stories. Big words. Probably beyond you.”  Aren't you rooting for her already?!*AFTER THINKING ABOUT IT I LOWERED THE RATING TO 2 STARS. LET'S SAY IT'S A 2.5 BECAUSE I'M GOOD*- Alive or Undead ~ 2013 -